The woman in front of me on the train keeps yawning like she’s having an orgasm. Why then is it me who is blushing while she seems oblivious?!!
Nothing more endearing than to sit on the Dart listening to a lady regale her travelling companion with tales of how her boyfriend had her in a headlock, that she didn’t hit him back (as that wouldn’t be right) and it all ended minutes later when he flipped her over to land on her back.
Oh, how they laughed!
Notice in local coffee shop…
‘Cappucino, Latte, Mocha and Flat White *all* contain milk!’
Ever get the feeling they are tired answering the *same* question?!?
Gotta love people who curl up on the train against the window, with their headphones on, whispering into them “I can’t really talk…” before belting out some of their top 50 most embarrassing secrets.
Girl opposite me is roaring into the phone with all the finesse of Dom Joly on ‘Trigger Happy’. She started with a few sympathetic comments about Anthony “Axel” Foley’s sad passing before commenting on his weight and then fat shamed – names included – all in her own family in *extensive* detail. Oh, how she laughed. Of one couple, she remarked “Sure, it will be Easter before they eat their way over from the States.” After so many minutes of this I feel like throttling her!
In Hospital and the Nurse asks
‘Is that your surname?’
‘No’, says I. ‘It’s half my first name.’
‘So you are actually called that?’
‘And you are ACTUALLY called that?’ as she bangs her pen against my name on the page for extra effect.
‘And it’s a real name?’
‘And you spelt it correctly?’
‘Yes. I spelt my own name correctly.’
‘And how long have you been using that name?’
‘Why 46 years?’
‘It was the name given to me at my Christening.’
‘Hmmmmmm’, goes the nurse as she turns to leave abruptly.
Later, the same nurse comes over to me, like a scene from ‘Hello, Hello’ (“Listen very carefully, I shall say this only once…”). Leaning in as close as possible, she whispers to me ‘I know someone who’s Church of Ireland or Church of England or whatever you are.’ ‘Anglican’ replies I. ‘That too’, says she as she turns on her heel to leave the room.
Last night on the Dart – three young wans were yapping:
Girl 1: “She broke up with him because it was getting too serious.”
Girl 2: “Seriously? She seriously broke up with him because it was getting too serious? Seriously?”
Other two: “SERIOUSLY!”
“You’re going to Leitrim?”
“Yes”, replies the other lady.
“Why would you go there?”
“Because it’s beautiful. Why wouldn’t I go there?”
“Because it’s really dangerous.”
“Eh…It’s called ‘Stab City’!!!”
“That’s Limerick, you Muppet!”