Standing in the queue to buy lunch…
“Ah would you stop messing?” one woman says to the other. “You’ll spill my coffee!”
“I could slip on it.”
“I can see the heading now ‘Woman awarded €100k for slipping on friend’s coffee…'”
“If you slosh your coffee and I slip on it, we’ll definitely be ‘former’ friends! For once, can you not just keep it in the cup???”
“Ah, would you keep your fecking cacks on!!!”
“I would – if I was wearing any!!!”
And at that the two dissolved into guffaws that would leave Beavis and Butthead stunned!
Chatting to someone the other day about fish. She can’t eat any as she’s ‘highly allergic.’
Before I could express sympathy, she added “I can only eat Whiting, Cod, Sea Bass and Tuna. I live on Tuna…”
Today’s commute was…eh…interesting. I thought – foolishly – that, as I was taking a half day, I’d treat myself to driving to work. Didn’t realise that that decision had already been taken for me!
So it’s all so quiet on the road but as I near the next town, the volume of people starts to build. People are walking. People are waiting at bus stops. Bikes that haven’t seen the light of day are now being peddled furiously townward. The cyclists vary between those who are quasi-professional and those whose cycling and buttocks are wobbling in unison.
Seems people lost the run of themselves. Cyclists narrowly escaped scrapping off the sides of cars. Motorbikes sideswiped pedestrians and cyclists. Pedestrians stepped out in front of cars or deliberately blocked the road. And the motorists were just as bad – perhaps worse. Trying to drive into lanes where no gap existed. The end of the world as we know it? Certainly had that vibe about it.
I wanted to give a few people a lift but the bay of wobbly, hairy legged, cyclists (and that was just the gals…) blocked the way each time.
Eventually managed to give one girl a lift. As she rode shotgun, she shouted at the cyclists coming too close for comfort, gave a few choice gestures to cheeky cars trying to cut in and marshalled me into the Bus Lane. I didn’t fear a policeman catching us as I reckoned she’d box the bleedin’ head off them if they even looked sideways at us!