Gotta love people who curl up on the train, snuggle in against the window, with their headphones on, whispering into them “I can’t really talk…” before belting out some of their top 50 most embarrassing secrets
Standing in the queue to buy lunch…
“Ah would you stop messing?” one woman says to the other. “You’ll spill my coffee!”
“I could slip on it.”
“I can see the heading now ‘Woman awarded €100k for slipping on friend’s coffee…'”
“If you slosh your coffee and I slip on it, we’ll definitely be ‘former’ friends! For once, can you not just keep it in the cup???”
“Ah, would you keep your fecking cacks on!!!”
“I would – if I was wearing any!!!”
And at that the two dissolved into guffaws that would leave Beavis and Butthead stunned!
Chatting to someone the other day about fish. She can’t eat any as she’s ‘highly allergic.’
Before I could express sympathy, she added “I can only eat Whiting, Cod, Sea Bass and Tuna. I live on Tuna…”
I’m checking out in the supermarket – as you do – and get one of those chatty gals who likes to comment on *everything* I’m buying. After years of this, I’m used to it and answer the deluge of questions which are now cascading.
She picks up one item and says “They look nice. Are they new?”
“Eh…yes”, I answer.
“Not sure I’d like them. Not a great fan of herbal tea myself.”
“Neither am I”, I respond, wondering what she will say next.
“Do they taste nice?” she asks and I answer that I don’t know.
“Good Lord!” says she as she drops the item abruptly on the conveyor belt, her cheeks now glowing red.
Not knowing what to say, I mutter “Eh…pretty box.”
“Indeed”, says she as I take the box of sanitary towels and pack them in with the rest of my shopping…
Phone conversation today with an English company…
“See your Prime Minister is an Asian immigrant.”
“What do you mean ‘kind of’?”
“Well, his father is a doctor who arrived here in the 1970s. He’s also a qualified doctor, educated at one of the top private schools.”
“He went to school in England?”
“Huh? No. In Ireland.”
“You have private schools over there?”