…that the man in Lidl buying the two dozen tins of lager, bongo drum set *and* harmonica does not live next door to me!
Today, I said a Prayer of Thanks…
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Category Archives: Ramblings
Eh…no…
Driving into an underground car park and I realise I spoke to the attendant with my darkest sunglasses still on. I remark to my daughter that I feel like a right eejit.
Her response?
“It’s okay, Mum. He might think you’re blind.”
“Eh…I hope not.”
“Why?”
“Really?!? I’m driving the car…!”
Why ask a woman…?
Pulled up tonight at the self-service petrol station. Stopped the car. Credit card into the machine. Choose option. Enter PIN. Fill car. Simples.
Young fella pulls up on the other side of where I’m filling my car. New to the system, he loses his cool as he cannot understand the system. Starts roaring at his female companion that it’s a wonder the country’s in a mess as no f-ing American tourist could work this out.
Fine. Everyone has a meltdown now and again. What makes me laugh is, that rather than ask the woman next to him (that is, me!), he strides forcefully across the entire forecourt to the car at the furthest pump to ask a man how to work the pump.
During the meantime, his girlfriend has asked me for instructions. He returns, refuses to listen to her, throws another tantrum, gets into his car and drives off!
What a charmer!
All aboard the London-Dublin Express…
Overheard after lunch:
Two guys telling all about the two gorgeous American gals they met in London. Oh, how they tried to impress these Dublin lads.
“Yeah. They were f-ing gorgeous. Chatting us up an’ all.”
“Yeah. Told us they were out with some rock stars, had loads to drink…”
“And delighted in telling us they hopped on a train to Dublin to have more drinks at Bono’s hotel, The Clarence.”
“And then got the train home again.”
“Yeah. They may have been cute but boy, were they thick as shit not to realise that Ireland is an island!”
September 2016
Teen wisdom
Teen said to someone that she was 16 years old. I quickly corrected her and said she was 17. Her response? “I don’t like saying that,” says she. I ask why. “I hate feeling I’m getting old!”
[August 2011]
I feel old
Yesterday’s commute saw a deluge of pre-teens bounce onto the train. While the young gents hung from the loops and swung back and forth, back and forth, the little ladies surrounded me. Intimidating at first, I soon realised it wasn’t me who was holding their fascination. Instead it was my Kindle. One told her entourage that it was like a book while the others looked in awe. Then one exclaimed “Yeah! I know! Me nanny has one of doz.” It was at that moment that my youthful façade vanished and I realised that, damn, I was indeed old enough to be her grandmother.
[August 2018]
Why I love Coach Trip!
Why do I watch ‘Coach Trip’? For the intellectual chat, that’s why!
“Tomorrow we’re going to an island.”
“Oh yeah! I’ve never been to an island.”
“Really? You’ve never been to an island?”
“No! I’m so excited!”
“What do you think Britain is then?”
“Oh…”
[August 2017]
And then there’s this:
The teen thinks I’m mad watching ‘Coach Trip’ but where else would you find such pearls of wisdom as…
“Everywhere’s England with a foreign name.”
“You live in the most southern part of England. D’ya mean Scotland?”
“Mussels are like snot.”
Singing the Belgian National Anthem – “It’s different to the British one.”
“I thought Brussels was the capital of France.”
“A monk is a nun’s brother.”
[January 2014]
Here on ‘the Mainland’…
June 2017
Phone conversation today with an English company…
“See your Prime Minister is an Asian immigrant.”
“Kind of.”
“What do you mean ‘kind of’?”
“Well, his father is a doctor who arrived here in the 1970s. He’s also a qualified doctor, educated at one of the top private schools.”
“Oh!”
“Oh?”
“He went to school in England?”
“Huh? No. In Ireland.”
“You have private schools over there?”
Life is such a drag…
“Wow! Haven’t seen you in an age! Enjoying the summer?”
“Yes and no.”
“Huh?”
“Well, I was in the car today and I felt like the world and my life are simply passing me by.”
“I know! I feel so like that too. I want to do something but I can’t seem to keep up with it all. It wears me out. And my friends? All they want to do is go out all the time and that is just so empty.”
“I know. I don’t have any interest in that sort of thing any more. What about Jess?”
“She’s away.”
“Again?”
“Yeah. That must be her fifth time this year.”
“Wow. She must really hate Ireland. I mean, why else would you be bothered with all that travelling?”
“Yeah. It makes no sense. No sense at all.”
“Yeah.”
And at that, I left the two fourteen year olds to contemplate the world while they finish their soya lattes.
The feline has landed…
A cat jumps in and out of my landing window. I know when this happens. I hear the thud and know instantly the feline has landed.
Yesterday, I mentioned this to my neighbour – owner of said cat.
Today, he calls to the door. He wants to tell me there are in fact two cats. They look the same but his has white under its chin. That both of them may be jumping through my window simultaneously. He just thought I should know.
I look at him.
He look at me.
For what seems like an eternity.
I break the silence by saying “And what would you like me to do with this information once I identify which is which? Give them different punishments?”
“Hmmmmm”, says he. “This was pretty pointless information wasn’t it?”
“Hmmmmm”, says I. “Pretty much!”
Thoughts of a Middle Aged Teen 